My entire life had led up to this very moment, one that I had over thought too much differently in my mind. I knew that it was this day that I would forever step out of the dark, lonely closet and accept myself for who I am. I promised that I would never deny myself the right to live life as my true self ever again as I started to be independent. However, this life leap into freedom wasn’t so relieving as I had thought it would be. My world started to crumble around me, leaving me helpless, hopeless and alone. Coming out to my religious, conservative mother and strict father was the hardest thing I have ever done.
This day, thought to be more independent than to be spoiled. Sooner it turned into one of the worst days of my life. I thought that I was going to have this jolt of energy or some huge boulder would be lifted off my back; however, my imagination, overthink and reality were in complete disagreement. As my mom and I show more content
I never imagined a day where my mom wouldn’t love me back.
She taught me how to stay afloat, even when life was dragging me down. In this moment, I figured that I had reached my capacity for happiness; I thought that this was God telling me that I had my lifetime of joy in only seventeen years. It was then that I decided I deserved to live either in complete sorrow and agony, punishing myself for the pain I caused to others or not at all.But were nothing compared to the gaping hole in my heart. I was completely and utterly broken.
In reality, no one word could describe how I was feeling; I was a numb and empty human yet so full of overthink,emotions and regrets. As I lay in my room I contemplated life and death. I thought how it would be so easy to hold my breath away, to drift off into nothingness. This crushed me, I felt alone and scared, and wished with all my heart that it was all a dream. Months later, My Grandfather house was burned in the same week of my aunt birthday.
A few years ago I had suddenly become epileptic and had hit the ground having a seizer in the process of falling I had hit my head and got a concussion and was in and out of the hospital trying to figure out what was wrong with me. During this time, having so many people pass in such little time brought all of those feelings of pain, and heartache back and so did the depression. I struggled to keep it together, but when things got bad my parents did what they thought was right for me more medication, and more therapy.
All this death made me really learn to open up to people. Pushing my feet under and I suddenly have this overwhelming feeling of adrenaline and I am suddenly afraid for my life then I realize I have suddenly been faced with my ultimate fear. Although I may not consider myself a shy person, I was never the type to step out of my comfort zone. My freshman year of High School I had my mind set thinking that I was going to be the type of student who woke up for school, left, and then came back home once it was time to.
I never thought I was ever going to join a sport/clubs, go to school games etc. At that moment it never seemed like my thing. At first I wanted to be free and feel the life of being here and do whatever I want in this world. But suddenly I've thought that I don't have enough money to spoil myself . And it's so hard to find a job when you don't have any experience.So I decided to find a job as a part-timer since I'm still a high school student , and I can truly say the last year and a half since I’ve been in I have learned so many life lessons.
Through these life lessons I have learned a lot about myself and how strong I can be in difficult situations and circumstances. I never thought in a million years I would finish my studies and become successful in the near future but it has shown me that everything happens for a reason.
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